Daughter, Mother, and Wife—Did I Lose Myself?

 As women, we grow up hearing all about the roles we will someday take on: the dutiful daughter, the supportive wife, the loving mother. And while we are often proud to step into each of these roles, something unexpected can happen along the way. We might look in the mirror and realize we are not sure where we went. In the layers of responsibilities and roles, Was the woman we knew so well gone in some way?

It is a question I’ve asked myself more than once, and I know I am not alone. For many of us, the journey of becoming the mom and the wife feels fulfilling and purposeful, but it also feels a little like a quiet disappearing act. Who were we before we became the keeper of everyone else’s needs, the architect of everyone else’s happiness?

 So, who was I? I think back to when I felt most like me. I was a girl with dreams, with hobbies, with a spark that didn’t depend on anyone else. I had ambitions, small and big, and the freedom to explore them. But as life moved forward, I layered on the roles: daughter, wife, mother... each adding love, complexity, and even beauty, but also sometimes making it harder to recognize myself.

Somewhere in between packing lunches, being a partner, and handling family obligations, we can reclaim the little pieces of who we were. Sometimes it is the small moments, like revisiting an old passion or hobby, even if it is just for a few minutes. Other times, it is bigger choices, like setting aside time or space that’s ours alone, to explore, to rest, to be.

If you are reading this and wondering where you went, know that you are not alone, and that the woman you were is still there; she might just need a little time and space to emerge. Remember, the roles you carry are just parts of the whole. You are still in there, underneath the layers, waiting to be seen. So, let us give ourselves permission to peel back those layers every now and then, and to rediscover the parts of us that make us.

 

Morning Musings!

 

The sun in between those little mountains, the rain drops on my little garden and the distinct earthy smell that’s how my mornings began for several years. The calmness brought a new life every day with a promise to look ahead with power showering from all over, but somewhere I felt alone reminiscing all of this. 

A moment, a decision tilted and took a turn around changing my mornings to hearing cycle bells, pressure cookers, vendors on tricycles selling vegetables and fruits as early as 6 am and not to miss the women showing off their kolam (Rangoli) skills, and for a change, I felt busy with people around me and not alone!

The feeling of being empty in a serene ambience vs feeling like an empress in a chaotic town is the war I am fighting within myself. I am not confused, am I? Nope, my vision is clear to be with people, but can I get the ambience, please! I need to breathe fresh air, I need to see clean roads, I need to have tidy gardens, and I need my noise-free mornings back.

It is ok not to see the sky orange or pink, I need to see the sky, and that’s the point. Neighbouring walls, sewage pipelines, broken stairs, and smelly elevators have become a part of everyday sights. No, I am not complaining, I am worried for my tomorrow.

A workplace filled with political views and phoney associates who wait to see a downfall to put a face of compassion. I don’t have a voice to change the culture but to turn a deaf ear and get blind when I know my goal is not changing the environment but to swim the tide.

Whilst I debate if I need this employment, the thought of being between four walls gets me rushing to the muddled workplace, this is very unlike me. I am unlearning my habituated culture to learn something I never expected to.

Regular prayers, a job, phone calls away from friends, small family, planned outings, shopping and travelling, I have it all! So, what is troubling me? Is it the people I am being with or is it the people I am missing being with? My current state of mind says both and perhaps that is the truth

 

Corona Diaries- a write up in Black & White magazine

 The personal and professional changes

This pandemic has taken each one of us on a roller coaster ride. Whether one enjoys the ride or is petrified is a personal choice. A new perspective to existence is what I have accepted as the new normal. My take on this scenario is an opportunity to learn to survive crisis; every homemaker has learnt financial management, working from home has taught people teamwork, and home schooling was never a wrong option! 

A huge loss of personal space has become inevitable, irrespective of home or at the workplace; it is like when our family and colleagues become virtually claustrophobic. With the huge dip in most industries and where chopping of heads for economic survival is mandatory, being an independent consultant, my freelance job has taken a huge backseat. I see it as a phase to learn from the upcoming opportunities and believe that there is always light at the end of the tunnel!

The changes affecting the future 

Futuristically, I foresee a very welcoming change both, personally and professionally, with regard to the virtual life we lead today. People-building, teamwork, planning, execution and communication literally need no workplace or work time to bring efficiency. The lessened peer pressure, competitiveness and academic stress would hopefully ease the outlook on education. From fine arts to physical fitness, distant virtual learning has carved its niche by expanding the reach to a larger scale of learners. Learning to separate the workplace from home and vice versa would be a major take home for all of us. 

The aftermath of Covid 19

In the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic, the persisting threat of another unforeseen crisis would linger at the back of our minds. Personally, I would have to rebuild my clientele and bridge the months-long gap. Nevertheless, building confidence and promising resources will take time. The looming uncertainty and threat of unemployment could be a major concern for job seekers. Small scale industries and daily wage workers, including domestic helpers would need to be uplifted and provided with the platform of opportunity.

A difference in the war against the virus

A happy mind is a happy life. I ensure that there is a routine and time for family, work and friends. Quintessentially, I adhere to providing food for the mind, heart and body. Exploring the chef in me, the avid cinema-goer, the reader, the fitness novice and the most competitive player at family game nights are all optimistic traits I have rediscovered of myself through the course of this pandemic. It is necessary that we maintain an optimistic outlook, and make sure to create a healthy environment within ourselves and our surroundings. 

This pandemic has reminded us that we are, in fact, equipped to deal with a crisis. Natural calamities like earthquakes, floods and tsunamis in the past have instilled in us the alertness to prepare for any oncoming threat that COVID-19 has brought out in each one of us. Take a minute to be grateful for each new day, while praying for those who succumbed to this virus war. Healthcare providers, volunteers and frontline warriors deserve our gratitude and respect for emerging as the heroes of this battle.

Mentors or Mediators?

 

Matha Pitha Guru and God ... this is what we have been taught since childhood, however today’s generation says matha pitha google and god!! I’m only glad God remained constant and parents have become compulsion! What I question is the teacher factor hasn’t been playing a huge role or  hasn’t the teacher played as a role model? Well that’s unanswered now and hopefully not for a future. 

 

The Sanskrit word guru from gu (darkness), and ru (light) is someone who is regarded as having great knowledge, wisdom and authority, and use it to guide and mentor. Literally a mentor who shows others knowledge (light) and destroys ignorance (darkness). 

 

Educators are you mentors or mediators? 

 

Today’s world demands mentors to groom children and help them choose their paths carefully. Any child’s first hero is the dad and then it should be a teacher, ideally!! After a certain age students in high school or in college seek mentors to guide and shape them; and trust me that relationship is the most compassionate one for life long. A mentor is someone who reaches out to understand and comprehend the students struggles and still be there to shoulder selflessly. A guiding light throughout their lives! 

 

Are we missing mentors in today’s educators ? Is it that they are being mediators between the created syllabus and students. The concept of completing target lessons , challenge with the electronic gadgets because you are left with less choice. Today’s teachers go through targets, classrooms are war fields, promotions play an important role, pass percentage is primary, stressful hours of standing, harmful conversations in the staff room, comparison student scores, nepotism hasn’t spared education either!!

 

At an early age of 29, a genius in mathematics who could not afford to study at the Harvard, MIT because of his father's death and his financial condition, in spite of seeking sponsorship. Yes, I am talking about Anand Kumar the Indian mathematician known for his super 30! In 1992 Anand Kumar began living his dream  by renting a room for a Rs 500 and started the Ramanujan school of mathematics for the underprivileged children in preparing them for the most competent entrance exams. Between 2003-2017 he mentored 450 students out of which 391 passed out of IIT’s! also between 2008-2010 was his super 30 hatrick , all the 30 students cleared the IIT JEE in a row of three years.

 

Anand Kumar runs the institution with the tuition fee that he earns and the institute is not aided by the  government sectors or any  private agencies. Since 2002, in the month of May , the Ramanujan School of Mathematics has been conducting competitive tests to select 30 students for the Super 30 program. Although many students appear for the test, he selects 30 exceptional students from economically backward sections, mentors them for the most competitive JEE. After the success of Super 30 and its growing popularity, he received offers from private sectors both national and international for financial aid, but he refused it; Anand Kumar wants to sustain the Super 30 through his own efforts.

 

Are we missing this warmth, cohesion, passion and commitment and hence the mentors are gone astray? It is about time to change the perspective, about time to build confidence, about time to hold the experience high, about time to extend arms, about time to mend and mentor.

 

 

There are many more untold Anand Kumar’s, is there one in you ?!! 

Begin Living

I've been chasing success in education, career, material goods, money, travel, and social status, all with the goal of sharing it with my family. But now I can't even share a piece of chocolate with my child, who is just four hours away. I can't travel the world, and I'm afraid to keep money at home. I'm worried about the downfall in the stock market, and I'm seeking help to sustain my funds. My hands hurt from keeping up my luxurious lifestyle. What have I achieved? I've yet to begin living.

I've been making and keeping friends my whole life. I haven't called many of them in over a year, but they still know me. Am I living with presumptions? Or am I over-judging my skills? Neither. I genuinely feel that people who value the real me wait for me at the best times and are with me during the worst. There are also those tag-alongs you can't do much about. They probably treat me as their punching or pumping bags!

The COVID-19 pandemic has forced schools and universities to switch to online learning. While there was once a fear of studying online, the pandemic has shown that distance learning is just as valid as traditional in-person learning. In fact, the pandemic has accelerated the adoption of online learning in all fields, including the performing arts, which have become performing media arts. The status of online learning is now highlighted on social media, where 50 or more screens are the norm. While online learning has its benefits, it also has its drawbacks. One drawback is that understanding and human touch take a back seat when pockets are filled untouched.

My mother's death taught me that no one is indispensable in this universe. Since then, I have kept my emotions in check and don't worry about what my status will be in a few years. Life teaches you only once. Chase the happier, more intelligent, and witty you! Life is too short to save up. It is more to spend and spread all that you have accumulated, be it wealth or wisdom!

A challenging year- 2019

2019, how did the year even pass? Wonder if I was even breathing !

Uff..what a challenging year it was, started the year with memories of mom and her first anniversary.

My child graduating high school, reality hit me hard. I am going to miss a good friend, laughter, gossip and my foodie partner. It was a tough phase to accept her graduating and migrating but loved the maturity and the way she handled the new environment.

To all mom's the little ones remain little forever, again it was transition period for me and her. She needed to take over what her elder sister did and at the same time remain my little ,monster. Life teaches you wonders when you are not even expecting it. She makes me wonder who the mum is! She is not little anymore.

Another jolt was when a dear friend moved back home, it was not easy to cope the void. I was worried if my travel diaries will get empty. Well, it is definitely not, we are in the best of spirits at all times.

Whether it was boredom or challenge, I decided to love myself ! of course when you have sisters who motivate and spread positive vibes its obvious to take it up as a challenge. Focus on diet, long walks, working out with gym mates, a new perspective on yoga... shaping up turned up to be interesting and exciting seeing the changes.

Festivals were not so much fun, had to keep my eyes off the sweets and savouries! However nothing stopped  Dad from sending his love,yeah kilograms of calorie filled goodies. And all his love couldn't stop me from trvaelling to see him! 

When sisters meet its always so much fun, but this time it was some serious planning ; Dad turned 80! Tremendous amount of planning and executing. Each one of us had a role to play and we did it happily. It was a great day with celebrities, dignitaries, friends and family. The decor to catering was exclusive , something mom would have loved to witness!   

Even before we stopped rejoicing the series of events of 2019 it was 2020 and another chapter began!

My Sunshine...

You are my sunshine
You are mine

Live a little more involved
Pray a little more loud 

Remarkable is your obedience
Remarks are on your laziness

Pull up your head longer
Push up your health stronger

Remember you are my hope
Learn to accept and cope

Standout as an example
Scope is always in ample

You are my moonlight
You are my guiding light