2016… I have a special place for you!

Calling it a challenging year will summarize in a nutshell, but saying I was taught lessons will be quintessential!

The year began with my bestie and their family later leading to a fabulous 10 day trip to Istanbul with dearie, leaving Oman just the day after an explosion in ‘Ataturk’!!Most unforgettable trip it will be until the next!

With over 30 nights of mind boggling discussions on the home move, I must say it was the toughest decision after marriage! One wrong move and the game is over…this is what kept me awake before we moved location after 14 years of comfortable stay, lovable society, and supportive friends and well maintained home.

Children go forward to next levels, grown up girls and shivers in me when the little flower blossoms! And here comes reality in catching up with age and the mother in me…children and their safety tops the list, and so it did for me. Broke a leg saving my daughter’s, 6 weeks of casting, medicines, physiotherapy and realization of a lovable family.

Sweetest niece, charming nephews visit the broken leg aunt to cheer up! The fantastic 2 weeks of holiday…moments cherished for a lifetime. Challenging moments at work front with threats and moves. The boat started rocking but I stood stable… my almighty stood tall.

Daughters are a blessing especially mine, so true that! A joyous moment to see the Guru and Sishya take the stage at one time in home town with the blessings of family members. I couldn’t have asked for more.

After all the home town trips, friends gear up for a holiday trip…celebrating 18 years of togetherness, needless to say I would have been incomplete without my best half!! Thailand, a mysterious land as no one can guess all what it has to offer. One remarkable journey across the beautiful beaches of Thailand with extended family.

Festivals bring joy, celebrations at new home with contended stomachs and another year of pleasantness with friends and family, one couldn’t ask more in a foreign land.

When man proposes, God disposes!! I live to that! Decisions are firmed in choosing home to work. Indefinite ideas, suggestions from family, panic from friends on the stand!! ? Angels walk in and say I need to choose work for some more time…diversified industry, a mixed cultural environment, professional people and a new role…what more can be challenging. I must thank the supreme power who is shadowing me throughout.

Just when the year is getting over with multiple events, souls close to heart departs, endless happiness at the same time one more adds up…being home with family. A short holiday with sisters, pretty nieces and most handsome nephews. Giving the country the non-demonetization feeling with the shopping lists and eat outs. Plastic cards were heated up beyond!

Left with 2 more nights of this memorable year, a rewind was called for!

Shower the Power!!

I wondered what is mother power 

...today as a mother for a teen and a brat I can see my instincts taking lead and my reflexes swifts!! 

We can't see our children cry or go through pain, such agreeable emotions.

We try our best to get/give them all what they want or need and convince ourselves that they are happy and that's like super parenting!! 

Until recently I realized I was fooling myself with these beliefs. I realized when my super brat had tears rolling down her sweat filled face, looking at my fractured foot and pleading me to get well soon, I realized when my most lazy teen who didn't mind springing up every time I gestured to walk...I realized my health and happiness is theirs too. 

Times have changed and it is time I/we changed. Nothing materialistic can match  mothers power..shower the power!!

HurtAttack!

Feeling Hurt!!seldom we realize what this means...

Today's cosmic world and thanks to technology even love is expressed with emojis! 

Lending shoulders..sounds too much these days..we just need a ear please. 

People have become plastic and feelings filmy. A casual hello and checking on how is life treating can be overwhelming in today's fast life. Marriages are sustaining because emojis take care of the relationship! 

Forwarding a good morning message and timely jokes connects people. 

Television mothers and mothers in law seem to be having a lot of time in the family. 

Feeling hurt!! 

Don't let your words bring tears whilst I hide my pain behind a smile!

Don't let your actions speak whilst i wait all day to even glimpse at you!

Don't let me lean on your shoulders whilst I only need a ear!

Don't let me feel proud whilst I think you are my pride!

Don't let the life in me die whilst I live for you!

HOLD THE ROPE OF HOPE!!

I was slightly disturbed at work and didn’t want to carry it home.  All throughout my career I have never ever felt let down, I knew giving up wasn’t easy and at the same time  felt like being pushed to a corner. Was I getting emotional about my profession? I couldn’t judge my thoughts and people around me.

A claustrophobic ambiance, deadlines, challenges, opportunities, qualms, complaints…very unsupported situation! I decided to sit with a cup of green tea hoping my mood gets filled with energy. God sent angel as they say , a senior gentleman with almost 3 decades of professional experience joined me with his steaming cup of coffee. My eyes were filled and voice chocked, he glanced and knew I was disturbed.

I said nothing, he said these words ‘Stay and speak positive but expect the worst’! Sounds contradictory isn’t it?  He left the pantry with a smile and ignited my thoughts. Well, actually, there is no harm when we expect the worst and the best happens. The human mind always loves happiness, so why disturb??Coming to reality it is such a simple strategy for contentment and happiness. A challenge to keep emotion and intelligence miles away, but worth a try!

Something that I learnt today…stay calm, dream big, hold on to the rope of hope…and there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel!

Happy b'day to me!!

I am not unique,many women of my age start going through this phase( not many disclose fearing social hiccups), the joy of being to oneself is something that has to be experienced. The myth is to blame physiological changes, spend day and night and all the bucks with medics for an analysis 'Imbalance', 'Depression', blah blah!!!

Every conversation with children ends up either with cooking or sincere advise! work at office becomes tasks and challenges..a quick chat with mom or mom in law lands up in worrying...a buzz to a friend gives a hundred thoughts and finally unwinding the day with updates to hubby...ends up with physical desires or loud snoring!!! anyone really have time for me? well it is my problem because I have disorders diagnosed...

I spoke a doc friend, she said it is the age, the science taking over in  my system. Different people several interpretations about the changes in me. Wonder how quick things get noticed when the general social circle is busy looking into materialistic interests.

I hate this transition in me or have I actually fallen in love with my inner self? A very easy going and bold person , well should I say once upon a  time ! I'm getting tough within me, my emotions control me these days, I am scared of losing people in my life but I am enjoying the closeness within me, the feeling that I am not alone , a feeling of rebirth!

I have fallen in love with myself...happy birthday to me!

THE DIALECT DEPRESSION

A 6 year girl stood crying continuously asking for her mom, she was midst 40 more children in an auditorium. She knew me well and I asked her why she was crying, and in between a concert how could I spare her to leave. Least did I realize what exactly did that child want.

I couldn't see her cry anymore and let her go, she ran and hugged her mom so tight, and it was fright more than love. The sense of insecurity was high, she wasn't happy talking to me later, her eyes filled with tears spoke to me a million words when she left the auditorium with a firm good bye.

 I wondered what went wrong until I spoke to her dad; he apologized for his daughters’ behaviour. I thought that was so genuine, with much hesitance I asked him if his daughter was alright and why was she crying that hard. It was embarrassing for him to tell me but I was adamant in knowing. In simple words he said “My daughter is unable to follow English and is fluent only with the mother tongue.” I disconnected the call with a heavy heart, cursing my ignorance and sympathy for the little child.

I have noticed a common dialect problem; many children living away from their homeland do not speak their mother tongue or only speak their mother tongue. Why is it so confusing, and create complexity in others. It is believed that children can speak and understand many languages when taught at a tender age; why do we emphasize in teaching children what they don’t like, studies say 1 million children do not speak English at all.

It is widely accepted when people in Germany speak only German; France people speaking French and in Spain only Spanish!! When we relate this issue in India, there is a criticism when the educated don’t speak English; India has about 398 languages out of which only 22 are recognized by the constitution of India. The primary language of Indians is Sanskrit (संस्कृतम् saṃskṛtam) secondary being Hindi and only then English. However the language situation is completely reversed. If a foreign language like French or German or Chinese can be taught for survival abroad, then why are we so reluctant in learning our 22 official languages?

The dialect phobia is too much in the air, anxious parents are making the child go through stress in focusing on a particular language .My message to the worrying parents, show pride to your mother tongue. Reassure the child that language is only for communication and not a scorecard for survival.

Don’t let the child go through dialect depression, there is a Shakespeare or Tulsidas hidden in each one of us immaterial of the dialect we relate to!

The May Memory

My memory goes back 16 years, May 20^th 1998. Moms elder brother, my uncle had his bypass surgery on May 15^th, he was still at the hospital and 20^th May, his wedding anniversary. Mom and I planned a surprise cake for uncle and aunt. Dad, mom and I were getting ready just then moms younger brother, my uncle walked in. Mom with an exclamation said “Oh! We are waiting for you, Mala will be back in 1 hour” I wondered why should I be back and when all of us celebrating at the hospital why is this uncle staying back…anyways many questions go unanswered until you unearth the truth.

We reached the hospital; uncle was very weak but bright stood my aunt all motivated in celebrating their silver wedding anniversary. A moment after we cut the cake, mom instructed our car driver to take me home, I asked her in a low tone, what was the hurry? With much hesitation she said, “At 9.00 you will receive a phone call at home, his name is Satish. Talk to him decently( I still wonder why mom said decently!!) and fix a time to meet” I wondered what was she up to and also realized my uncle at home is waiting to watch my conversation!!

The clock was ticking fast but my heart beat was even faster, the phone rang “hello, this is Mala here, who is speaking please” the voice from the other end “Hi! My name is Satish, I am from Bangalore. I am now in Chennai officially and my mom asked me to speak to Mr. Ramaswamy, is he there?” though I was bugged he said he wants to talk to my dad I appreciated his approach. “Satish, Dad is in the hospital to visit my uncle, he will be late, and should I pass any message?” “Oh! By the way I am supposed to be seeing you sometime today, mom said a good alliance and blah blah” said Satish. I grew more curious to see him, of course didn't show any desperation!! “We can talk on the phone Satish; I am not in for this seeing alliances with relatives, food spread and then waiting for a judgment, I am a very straight forward person who believes marriage is only 2 minds that can bring many souls together” he was smiling, I could sense that “I am actually feeling uncomfortable to talk, I have never kept long conversations with anyone over the phone, can we meet this evening? May be for a coffee” said Satish…I flipped for a moment “I said yes, 5.30 pm at Savera hotel.”

Mom and dad were excited more than me that I finally agreed to see someone, mom insisted in coming along, Dad was neutral but insisted not to hurt mom. It was a deal, I told them if I like the guy at one look I will take him to the beach, or else we all have coffee together and head back home….apparently all Bangaloreans love the Chennai beach!! Our dress code to recognize was I wearing a Pink Salwar Kameez, Satish was at work so formal wear with neck tie. We reached Savera hotel lobby, with no exaggeration there were close 50 men in formal wear walking up and down. Dad and I looked at each other wondering how I am going to recognize this guy!! Suddenly someone came literally jumping the line and introduced himself as Satish! There was a conference going on in Savera and 5.30 was tea time so all the men folk were out!!

I knew it was him, the butterflies in my stomach had all flown away, I was much more relaxed and after a cup of coffee I asked Satish “how about taking a walk at the beach, could do good since it is peak summer”. My parents got the clue and left the place with much dignity. We reached the beach by 6.00 pm; we spoke, spoke and only spoke till 9.30 pm. Our driver came looking for us, and had to wind up. It was late so he had to show his face to my parents while dropping me off. It was 10.30 pm when he left home, mom got a clue it was through, and dad called my sisters to express his happiness. I asked dad if I could go until the auto stand to drop Satish, since the driver was getting late to go home.

We reached the auto stand and I asked him “ice cream?” “hmm yes” he said, we went to the ice- cream parlor and decided not to eat ice cream, instead fresh fruit juice which was next door. It was 11.00 pm and I wanted him to speak up, there was silence while we were sipping the juice. “Will you marry me Satish” I proposed, he was shocked, stunned and the juice came out from all over his face!!! Can I call you tomorrow morning at 7.00 am he said….I felt embarrassed, wasn't sure why he said that! Satish without delay said “I don’t think I can fall in love again, I've been in love since morning with just your hello…I definitely don’t want to lose you in bargain with traditional formalities, I want to inform my mom that it is YOU even before I tell you YES I will, pick up the phone at 7.00 am he said and left with a big smile"

I saw every second of the needle move in my room clock, couldn't wait for it to be 7.00 am. When I got to the living room dad was on a call with his brother in Kerala, it was only 6.15 am.  Got my coffee mug and sat down with the news paper. Only when I put coffee mug down least did I realize the time was 6.45 am. Mom walked near the phone to call my aunt at the hospital, I told her with a firm voice to keep her conversation less and I was expecting a call at 7.00 am. Mom and dad knew I was tensed and waiting for Satish’s call, but they kept calm. Mom finished her call in 2 minutes, it was 7.00 and the phone did not ring, then 7.05 I picked up the phone to check if the dial tone was ok, 7.15 the phone did not ring yet, dad put his arm around my shoulder and said , don’t worry everything will be fine. I gave up hope to be receiving a call from Satish; mom was looking more worried than ever.

The phone rang at 7.22 am…dad asked me to pick the call, I was hesitant and with a heavy heart picked up the phone. “Good morning, Satish here.”  I sounded cold, “yeah tell me” I said. “You don’t talk so cold to the guy whom you are going to marry, do you Mala” he said…it took me a minute to grab myself and understand that he actually said YES!!! Satish very honestly admitted his flaws on being late always and very typically follows the IST + 30 mins all the time!! As I say this about him….16 years he hasn't remembered this date even once!