My Sole Soul!

Cold and rainy night, it was an ideal night for spicy pani puri and long drive and that’s exactly what we did on December 16th 2017. My phone rang and I could barely hear it with Shreya Ghoshal singing in the background. The music was turned off to answer the call from my elder sister, I wondered why she called at 11.10 pm, did she dial me by mistake or ??? A hundred thoughts pondering quickly I answered the call. 

I wish I hadn’t taken that call or I never heard her say that... my guiding light, the divine soul that kept me in her womb with aspirations was NO MORE! I shook in fear and assumed I misunderstood the voice or whatever my sister was saying. 

I didn’t want to hear cries around, I only wanted to hear MOM for one last time ... I gained courage to travel by the 1.40 am flight. Every time I felt friends have become family and it was so true that night. They were all there to shoulder me and took over in getting our bags packed to tickets booked. 

The worst 4 hour journey in my life, a heavy heart and a hope that I heard everything wrong and that MOM would give me a hug! She was layed down with huge garlands which were so aromatic, something that she loved. She looked so divine through the clean glass, she looked so happy resting in that cool glass coffin. My heart was pounding with hope that she would break the glass and wake up to see all her loved ones near her. Her toe nails well pedicured and polished with cherry red polish, her hair had no traces of grey and her eyebrows so well defined. Her diamonds glittered like never before and her big red bindhi looked as gorgeous as ever. 

AMMA... can I hear you one last time, one hug and that one line which you always said...naan irrukku bhayamyen ( why fear when I’m here) . Your memories will be cherished and your life will be celebrated. Will miss you at every walk of my life but I know you are watching me from above. I’m sure you are safe and making another world a happier place just like the one YOU made ours! 

Love you Amma...

Chakka... it’s 50!

A  bundle of 9 pounds joy was born on 13 December 1967.. I’m sure mom would have been the proudest seeing her baby boy!!

And today December 13 2017 stands  beside  me the big baby boy , the bundle of joy ... with pounds and pounds! 

Happy Birthday Honey! Loads and loads of wishes and love coming your way... 

It’s Chakka and many more to go😘

'Cos of you in me!!

By 24 I had it all, didn't know until criticism!

By 26, I had it all, didn't know it was 'cos of you!

Motherhood...'cos of you in me!

Held your hand and held back my tears, 'cos of you in me!

Turned back and looked beside, I continued the path, 'cos of you in me!

None to lean , none to hear, nothing stopped, 'cos of you in me!

Moved from hatred land to fairy land, 'cos of you in me!

Struggles made me weak, your smile made me strong, 'cos of you in me!

Every wack hurt me more, 'cos of you in me!

Each moment of giving up increased my perseverance to win, 'cos of you in me!

I thank God for keeping me alive, 'cos of you in me!!!

IT'S OKAY..CELEBRATE THEM!

Being a mother of teen girls I thought the challenge of answering the unanswered was endless. Least did I realize the answers were untold truth and not an unsolvable puzzle. These constant words from them “liberty is read more in books and not real” “art is not in my blood” "education pattern sucks" “I can’t” “I don’t” “it’s OK” “I hate it” etc. etc… were giving me thoughts on plunging deep into understanding the circumstances.

We speak liberty but hypocrisy takes over and then we justify and twist the facts of liberty to make our conscience happy. Shouldn’t we think of liberty as a vast segment for our teens to understand? Ideally we shouldn’t use words or phrases that may give them a string to cling on to negative thoughts. When we actually mean no harm.

Success is not all about perfection, let us succumb to that truth. Let our children make mistakes, fall and raise so that the unanswered get self realized. Threatening them of social problems, comparing them to siblings or friends of same age and many more parameters only make our child distant, if not in space I am sure they detach themselves mentally & morally.

Let us agree that teachers also make mistakes and friends not all times are helpful. I don’t suggest abusing any relationship or guidance, but let the child feel confident that YOU will remain at all times. Nothing comes out of force, but several things can be achieved through tasks, be a task master to your child and not a watch dog!

I often said this “I see you living my dream”,  I now feel it’s more a threat to my adolescent than an emotion I genuinely expressed. It is devastating to see them give up, it is extremely hard to accept failure, lets leave the reasons behind... Let them learn to enjoy failures too,  let us not only celebrate their success, let us learn to celebrate them!

2016… I have a special place for you!

Calling it a challenging year will summarize in a nutshell, but saying I was taught lessons will be quintessential!

The year began with my bestie and their family later leading to a fabulous 10 day trip to Istanbul with dearie, leaving Oman just the day after an explosion in ‘Ataturk’!!Most unforgettable trip it will be until the next!

With over 30 nights of mind boggling discussions on the home move, I must say it was the toughest decision after marriage! One wrong move and the game is over…this is what kept me awake before we moved location after 14 years of comfortable stay, lovable society, and supportive friends and well maintained home.

Children go forward to next levels, grown up girls and shivers in me when the little flower blossoms! And here comes reality in catching up with age and the mother in me…children and their safety tops the list, and so it did for me. Broke a leg saving my daughter’s, 6 weeks of casting, medicines, physiotherapy and realization of a lovable family.

Sweetest niece, charming nephews visit the broken leg aunt to cheer up! The fantastic 2 weeks of holiday…moments cherished for a lifetime. Challenging moments at work front with threats and moves. The boat started rocking but I stood stable… my almighty stood tall.

Daughters are a blessing especially mine, so true that! A joyous moment to see the Guru and Sishya take the stage at one time in home town with the blessings of family members. I couldn’t have asked for more.

After all the home town trips, friends gear up for a holiday trip…celebrating 18 years of togetherness, needless to say I would have been incomplete without my best half!! Thailand, a mysterious land as no one can guess all what it has to offer. One remarkable journey across the beautiful beaches of Thailand with extended family.

Festivals bring joy, celebrations at new home with contended stomachs and another year of pleasantness with friends and family, one couldn’t ask more in a foreign land.

When man proposes, God disposes!! I live to that! Decisions are firmed in choosing home to work. Indefinite ideas, suggestions from family, panic from friends on the stand!! ? Angels walk in and say I need to choose work for some more time…diversified industry, a mixed cultural environment, professional people and a new role…what more can be challenging. I must thank the supreme power who is shadowing me throughout.

Just when the year is getting over with multiple events, souls close to heart departs, endless happiness at the same time one more adds up…being home with family. A short holiday with sisters, pretty nieces and most handsome nephews. Giving the country the non-demonetization feeling with the shopping lists and eat outs. Plastic cards were heated up beyond!

Left with 2 more nights of this memorable year, a rewind was called for!

Shower the Power!!

I wondered what is mother power 

...today as a mother for a teen and a brat I can see my instincts taking lead and my reflexes swifts!! 

We can't see our children cry or go through pain, such agreeable emotions.

We try our best to get/give them all what they want or need and convince ourselves that they are happy and that's like super parenting!! 

Until recently I realized I was fooling myself with these beliefs. I realized when my super brat had tears rolling down her sweat filled face, looking at my fractured foot and pleading me to get well soon, I realized when my most lazy teen who didn't mind springing up every time I gestured to walk...I realized my health and happiness is theirs too. 

Times have changed and it is time I/we changed. Nothing materialistic can match  mothers power..shower the power!!

HurtAttack!

Feeling Hurt!!seldom we realize what this means...

Today's cosmic world and thanks to technology even love is expressed with emojis! 

Lending shoulders..sounds too much these days..we just need a ear please. 

People have become plastic and feelings filmy. A casual hello and checking on how is life treating can be overwhelming in today's fast life. Marriages are sustaining because emojis take care of the relationship! 

Forwarding a good morning message and timely jokes connects people. 

Television mothers and mothers in law seem to be having a lot of time in the family. 

Feeling hurt!! 

Don't let your words bring tears whilst I hide my pain behind a smile!

Don't let your actions speak whilst i wait all day to even glimpse at you!

Don't let me lean on your shoulders whilst I only need a ear!

Don't let me feel proud whilst I think you are my pride!

Don't let the life in me die whilst I live for you!