The sun in between those little
mountains, the rain drops on my little garden and the distinct earthy smell
that’s how my mornings began for several years. The calmness brought a new
life every day with a promise to look ahead with power showering from all
over, but somewhere I felt alone reminiscing all of this.
A moment, a decision tilted and
took a turn around changing my mornings to hearing cycle bells, pressure
cookers, vendors on tricycles selling vegetables and fruits as early as 6 am
and not to miss the women showing off their kolam (Rangoli) skills, and for a
change, I felt busy with people around me and not alone!
The feeling of being empty in a
serene ambience vs feeling like an empress in a chaotic town is the war I am
fighting within myself. I am not confused, am I? Nope, my vision is clear to be
with people, but can I get the ambience, please! I need to breathe fresh air, I
need to see clean roads, I need to have tidy gardens, and I need my noise-free
mornings back.
It is ok not to see the sky
orange or pink, I need to see the sky, and that’s the point. Neighbouring
walls, sewage pipelines, broken stairs, and smelly elevators have become a part
of everyday sights. No, I am not complaining, I am worried for my tomorrow.
A workplace filled with political
views and phoney associates who wait to see a downfall to put a face of
compassion. I don’t have a voice to change the culture but to turn a deaf ear
and get blind when I know my goal is not changing the environment but to swim
the tide.
Whilst I debate if I need this
employment, the thought of being between four walls gets me rushing to the
muddled workplace, this is very unlike me. I am unlearning my habituated
culture to learn something I never expected to.
Regular prayers, a job, phone
calls away from friends, small family, planned outings, shopping and
travelling, I have it all! So, what is troubling me? Is it the people I am
being with or is it the people I am missing being with? My current state of
mind says both and perhaps that is the truth
